It’s our first Friday back at school, I have an hour with my
class…with nothing on the schedule. This scene may be terrifying to some: A
class of 11 year olds on the edge, staring expectantly at you. If you don’t
give them something to do, they will tip over edge and the hour becomes chaos.
The inevitable question comes: “What are we going to do for this period?” They
would usually be writing a cycle test in this period, but, it’s the first week.
So…it’s in my hands.
In an inspired moment (maybe not so much to other teachers?)
I quickly respond. “Um... Today we’re going to write down our goals for this
year!”
I was so excited! I came up with something constructive and
fun for them to do! Well… they didn’t think so. The subsequent groans and sighs
were evidence of that!
So what is it with setting goals?! Why is it such a drag?
I don’t have an answer for you. Maybe they’re so tired of
doing it. Maybe they ‘know’ they won’t achieve them, so what’s the point? Maybe
they’ve seen a pathetic model of goal setting and achievement from us?
So why do kids need to even set goals?
Do you know that even at 11, 12 years old kids question
existence? “What’s the point of life; like, what am I here for?” Ultimately,
setting goals gives us a sense of purpose and it teaches children to work
towards their dreams and what they’re made to do!
Do you also know that kids often have no idea where to start
with their goals? The first thing they write: “Get an A in … ”
An admirable goal, but really, there’s so much more we
should be inspiring our children to achieve than a good mark in a particular
subject.
So here are here are 5 areas that you can explore with your
children to help them set some goals for this year.
1) What do you want to achieve this year at
school?
Alright, so their “I want to get an A” is a good starting
point. Let’s get that out the way.
The question to ask is this: What do you want to achieve
this year at school?
And you want to try to keep them away from super vague
statements. So which subject do they want to improve in? What kinds of marks
were they getting for those subjects? What kind of marks do they want to get?
What schoolwork habits could be improved? Do they need to work on making sure
their homework is always done? Do they need to use a different method to study
for tests and exams? Do they need to go for extra lessons to get some help with
a subject they struggle with?
You’ll probably find that there are loads of areas they can
improve in. But help them pick one! Write it down. (You can assure them that,
often, other areas will improve as they work on achieving the goal they’ve just
written down.)
2) How do you want to improve your friendships
this year?
It always amazes me when I ask children how their holidays
were when the new school term starts. Their reponse might sound something like
this: “Urgh.. It was so boring. I couldn’t wait for school to start again!” (As
a teacher, I totally don’t get it!) So what is it about school – do they love
the work? Or the teachers? No.. it’s all about their friends!
So, it follows then, that they should have a look at how
they can grow their friendships. Who are your kids friends? Would they like to
make new friends? Is there someone in their class or school who needs a friend
that they’d like to reach out to? What would help them grow their friendships
that they already have? What would they like to do with their friends this
year?
3) How would you like to improve our family
relationships?
Family is so important. These relationships are the first
you have as a child. It’s where you learn everything about relating to others.
Yes, no family is perfect, and some people have had an awful example of how to
relate to others, and experienced truly toxic relationships within their
families.
But family should be a place where you know you are always
loved, even when there are conflicting views. It should be a place where you
can be yourself and learn how to deal with differences. It should be a place
where your gifts and talents are celebrated and where you can use them.
So what would your child like to improve about how they
interact with the family? How are their friendships with their siblings? How
would they like to spend time with Mom or Dad? What about their relationships
with their grandparents?
It can be tempting to impose your goals or agenda on your
child at this point. It would be lovely if they said that they’d like to make Mom
breakfast in bed every morning! But if that’s not their goal, it’s not going to
happen. I think one has to have a thick skin, both as a teacher, and as a
parent. Sometimes your kids say things you don’t want to hear. But sometimes
they’re the things we need to hear.
4) What would you like to achieve in the
things you have fun doing?
This could include the sport they do at school or their
hobbies or anything they enjoy doing. Maybe they’d like to achieve something in
their sport like an award for the best player. Maybe they’d like to improve
their ability to paint or do pottery. Maybe they’d like to start a new sport or
hobby.
Setting a goal for the things they have fun doing emphasizes
the importance of doing things they enjoy. As a parent, you’ll know, between
work and running the kids around, deadlines and housework, you probably don’t
get to spend much time on your hobbies or interests. But you also know that
when you spend time painting or scrapbooking, or building something new for the
house, there’s something about it that almost feeds your soul. We’re designed
to be creative and to enjoy our talents and gifts. Let’s teach our children how
important that is and help them make it a priority in their lives. (And yes,
I’m giving you permission to do the same! Make time for fun, otherwise you’ll
never do it!)
5) What characteristics would you like to have
this year?
Finally, and actually more important than all the others, is
this goal. In fact, this will affect how your child achieves their other goals.
What kind of character traits would they like to develop
this year? Would they like to be more kind to people? Or more patient? Would they
like to be more generous and share more with others? Would they like to be more
helpful? What about if they’d like to be more confident? Or less anxious and
worried?
Children have to learn that their character is more
important than anything else. People will eventually forget how rich you were;
they’ll forget that you owned a bunch of fancy things; they won’t remember that
had a very important position in the business. The only thing that lasts is the
reputation of your character. What will people remember you for? How did you
touch their lives so deeply that the impact it made forever changed them? This
is what we need to instill in our children.
Here’s what we did…
So have some fun! You can even do this as a family. Connect
and find out what each other’s goals are. And then, see how you can all help
each other reach them.
The teacher-y thing to do is to trace your hands on paper
and write the goals in the fingers. Paste up all the hands in the office or in
a passageway and you can check them out through the year. (In my cheesy teacher
mind I think you could also stick up some stars and make a thing of “Reaching
for the Stars”. I know… but kids love that stuff.) Now go and set some goals!
